Sunday, July 12, 2009

Both Richie and Mary have

pointed out that I am very hard on myself and I am, and it seems no matter how I try I can’t stop.

What I do now is as soon as I notice that I am giving myself a hard time by constantly reproaching

myself I try to stop thinking the thought.

It is very mechanical at the start but like anything can be learned, easy to forget that and to expect it to all somehow come naturally.

And if it does not, easy to spend time reproaching yourself,

I have spent and still do spend too much time on reproaching myself for things I could not possibly be responsible for.

Not easy to stop those thoughts

Not easy as these thought tend to repeat themselves, like a file that has not been dealt with, best way I find is to divert to thinking about something else.

Start to think about the things that I can do something about and concentrate on what I can do and not on what I can’t do and will never do again.

Useless to beat myself up for things that I can’t change, that are in the past, so easy to spend time on the past when the present is all around.

Would not be good to ignore the present and concentrate on the past, by putting the past to rights I could miss out on now.

Right now it is not the nicest looking days, the sky is grey and overcast, there is a huge damp grey lid on the city.

But still the kids are outside playing football whenever the rain stops.

Like that approach, things may not be perfect but they can still be enjoyable and that is the important thing.

It may rain all day and keep people indoors under shelter but as soon as the rain stops they are all outside again.

Life is like that and that is why I try to enjoy what I can and anytime that I can.

Since I have been in bed I realise that I am still processing memories that I made while I was still mobile.

I am not mobile now and notice that I survive these days on memories of things, have memories of Amsterdam, of cycling around the city.

Notice that placing particular streets is starting to get patchy as my memory of where a road may be gets hazier.

The way to keep everything fresh is to move around town and interact freely with others, I know that this is something I may never do again.

That is a scary and a sad thought, if that did become reality that would be very sad indeed.

Have to put other things in its place, found some Amsterdam webcams and spent sometime watching them.

Was amusing for once but not the answer, the answer is something I already do which is go online and read what others have to say.

The blog world is good, really enjoy dropping by other blogs and seeing how others are coping, like

Amelia over at Tales of Life with Multiple Sclerosis
She has just had her first infusion of Tysabri and she also gives herself a hard time as does
Stephany at Soulful Sepulcher
Visited Cranky at Musings of A Cranky Caregiver

and Lucy at What Life is about.

and Rain at Mountain Mamma

and Debra at
Went to see how Amy at Word Salads the Demyelination of Me is doing, it is a month ago her 34 yr old daughter Nicole died
Visited Robert at To navigate through life
And Joseph at Life in Motion
And Kparthasarath at Random Thought
Really makes the day for me when I visit other blogs feel my world gets expanded.
Well have a good evening.

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